Black Clay Bird
by MelonLordOfMelons
Summary: After blowing himself up Deidara suddenly finds himself stuck to a clay bird figurine with no arms, legs, or mouth. Is this all just an entity trying to reclaim it's toys or much more?
1. Chapter 1

Deidara woke up. Relief spread over him until he realized he was not in his body. He couldn't see anything exept darkness and couldn't move. Where was he? He was left asking this question for what seemed like days. He couldn't blink. At least he couldn't feel himself bilnk. He also didn't seem to get tired at all. He got bored easily though and pushed at his counsousness trying to do anything. He soon felt rage at not being able to do anthing!

 **A clay bird sat on a shelf behind the counter of an antique store. The eyes glowed blue then red in the darkness. It sat surrounded by other figurines that could sit in the palm of a hand.**


	2. Strange child

Deidara was 'sitting' ontop of the sign for the store that hung above the door on a pole that stuck out of the biulding. He hated his predicament. If he ever saw a Uciha he would throw the meanest glare he could at them. One of the worst things about his situation was that he couldn't talk. He couldn't scream at the uncultured swine that looked at a vaise and proclaimed 'Isn't this beautifull' to witch another would reply 'Truly a peice of art'. Though he couldn't talk he forced himself to understand what people were saying, learning the strange language proved to be hard but he was able to decifer it and he was on his way to reading proficiently.

The place he was stuck in was certanly strange. People wore 'T-shirts' and 'jeans', and instead of honing chakra skills they invented tiny devices that could do evry maner of thing. Phones were one thing Deidara had taked an interest in along with laptops. He often watched people sit on the bench below the windo typing or surffing the internet. There was also the diffrence that the people of this world got fat. Like if he was exploding fat. Speaking of he watched a group of large people walk towards the pottery shop accross the street. That was one good thing about this place that gave him something he enjoyed watching. It was the best when Charley dropped one of his peices or a clumsy patron walked by. Seeing art in the instance was uplifting to the fact that he couldn't create any.

The group consisted of four people. The woman wore a pink dress with a pearl neckalace and was the obvious leader of the group. She was clearly the only one who wanted to look at the work while the others only glanced here and there, not appreciating anything. The man wore a brown suit with an expensive looking watch. He walked with a swagger of a man that felt like they could talk their way out of anything. Along with the large people was a skinny kid with too large clothing for his frame and worn shoes. It was strange that he was that size but he might just be a relative that the family took for a trip. Shyness would explain why he didn't look at anyone's eyes and he walked slightly behind the group.

"Mom you said I could have a snack! I want candy." The child pointed at the shop window. He was truly the child of those two and retained their shape. He wore a green hoodie and his voice was ear gratting. Deidara was glad he didn't acctually have ears.

"Anything for you Dudders." The child smiled at his mother and walked fast into the store. The child was spoiled it seemed. The woman and the man followed but the maf stopped at the door and turned to the smallest member of the group.

"Stay here." He pointed next to the door opposite of where the bench was. Perhaps it wasn't shyness and he had done something wrong. Deidara followed the trio into the store and landed on a shelf near the front. He watched as the woman and man walked holding hands to the back of the store to inspect a lamp. He then watched as the child, seeing that Joe the store maniger was busy with a customer, took a candy bar from the rack and stuffed in under his hoodie. The child was rotten it seemed. He watched as more candy bars were stored in his fat rolls until he walked to the back of the store where he held up one of them to his parents who were looking at a pink vase.

Deidara's attention was drawn to the old woman and the boy in too small clothes that entered a store. "I remember when I was a child, I wanted a stuffed rabbit so badly I stood outside the door evry day until this kind old woman told me 'I see you standing out here alot what do you want' and so I tell her and i've kept the toy and passed it to my grandkids." The old woman wore a modest brown dress with a shawl and spectacles. She also weilded a cane in one hand and a purse in the other. "So what do you want?"

The kid seemed to be at a loss and looked at the floor for a second then lifted his head to look directly at the shelf above the counter, at the figurines, or more accuratley at exactly where Deidara was. He pointed and said "That one."

"The black bird with blue eyes?" She asked. When she recived a nod she walked up to the counter. The boy quickly left the store as the three large people walked to stand behind the old lady as she purchased the bird. She thn looked around the store as the child got his parents to pay for one of the seven bars he was holding in his grubby flesh. They then left the store and Deidara watched as the adults walked along with the fat child waving a candy bar in the skinny child's cace and laughing. The old woman just missed seeing the kid when she turned to look out the window.


	3. We are in the armpits now

Deidara had been left alone on the shelf most of the time, he was dusted by the store owner occasionally but it was quick and light and uncomfortable. Strange enough he could feel touches and movements and thankfully wind. He was not thankful for being able to feel as he was carried by the old woman in her purse that swung back and forth. It was distracting and uncomfortable being squished by the heavy wallet and the feeling of being suspended on a shakey platform, forced to lean to and fro. He was at least not able to throw up.

"Have you seen a small boy with a large shirt and glasses?" The woman stopped to talk with a man sitting on a bench with his dog underneath it attatched to the man's hand by a red leash that led to a harness that had a metal bar on the back.

"Mam I haven't seen anything." He said lifting up the black sunglasses he wore. His eyes were pale. Deidara took the time they talked to go as high as he could in the air. He spotted the four walking towards a parking lot. They were about six shops ahead of the woman and the child was small enough that the crowds blocked him from the woman. He counted himself lucky he didn't have to go with the kid. It's likley one of the two would break him, at least with the old lady he'd be taken care of until she died or handed him off to her grandchild like her doll. He wondered if it would have been better to have been left on the shelf. He very well couldn't make her take him back.

"If you think the kid isn't a local you can stand by the parking lot. He's bound to leave from there then." Said the blind man. And so Deidara was brought along again but this time he had something to take his mind off the feeling. He watched as the family almost made their way to the lot but stopped at a store right next to it. The Dudders had been pointing to a store window that seemed to sell toys. He could tell his parents caved in and walked into the store, leaving the kid outside again with a look. Deidara let out a mental sigh and hoped the woman would break a hip. If he had to listen to that pig squeal for long periods of tim he would explode himself! ...if he could.

'No no no no no no!' He thought in his head as the woman got closer. The large family was taking their sweet time. She spotted him by the door and briskly walked towards the boy picking up Deidara from inside her bag. The boy had been avoiding looking at anyone and was staring at the floor so when he looked from the cane that stopped in front of him to see the woman holding the bird he was suprised. They just stood for a second then Deidara felt the tiny hands hold him. Deidara resigned himself for the enevitable breaking that would happen. The old lady patted him on the head and turned away leaving a stunned boy at the door.

The kid looked at the bird and Deidara could see he was at a loss on what to do with him. The kid looked back into the store and saw the large man showing off his watch to the cashier. The large boy was holding a box that had a picture of a ball launching gun and had a little chocolate on his face. Deidara coudn't make out all the words but he could see the price and the thing was not priced low enough. Deidara felt weird and saw that the boy was no longer holding him. He screamed in his head when he realized the kid hid him in the armpit of his shirt! This little runt was going to pay along with the Uchihas when he got his body back!

Angrly Deidara watched as the three large people exited the store, once a gain the parents held hands and the child waved the box around eventually making the smallest member hold it for him. The small boy followed without a word and they got to the parking lot. The man pulled out kesy and the lights to a silver van blinked accompanied by a small clicking sound. The man held the door open for his large son while the woman and the other boy went to the other side. As he was sitting down a small candy bar fell from underneath the hoodie the large child wore and landed on the floor underneeath the seat. It was not noticed as the large child and the man were talking about showing the kid how to shoot the toy but Deidara found that boring so he instead sat ontop of the car as they drove through the streets, watching unfamiliar biuldings and people.

When the car started to slow after they turned down a street labled Privet Drive it soon pulled into the driveway of a two story house that looked alot like the other's in the neighborhood. They had tan brick walls with dark roofs and a few plants around the sides. The three people went inside chatting while the smallest again followed behind them with Deidara still under his arm. He closed the door behind him and when he turned around the big man was standing there.

"Now that were back you should finish your chores. Don't forget to start dinner." He said as he grabbed the box from the small bow and walked into the room with a couches and tv to open the box with his son.


	4. Letra

**One Deidara fanfic i haven't seen yet is him meeting himself from another reality. Like a modern setting where Deidara is a colledge student or something but then his other, more insane and enabled for insane stunts self suddenly appears. I'm thinking of making than but i'd like to get this done first maybe...**

Deidara had spent the next month watching like always. The family was a strange bunch that prided themselves in being like evryone else. Well, they were like evryone else besides the fact that they emotionaly abuse the cousin. Deidara had yet to even hear what his name was with the family only calling him boy and freak when they were scolding him for being lazy or doing somthing not normal. Weirdly Deidara found it ironic that the family was not normal for trying to make someone else 'normal'. They acted so normal it was incredibly boring to watch them, he usually paid attention to outside the house watching birds, bugs, and neighbor hood cats.

Honestly the family was made up of hypocrites. They called the boy lazy even though he got up early to bring in mail, make breakfast, and do chores while they slept in till they needed to get up for work and such. They called him a freak when they were the ones that kept their blood sleeping in a space under the stairs. They said he was stupid when they forced him to get worse grades than their failling 'Dudders' and told people he was a 'bad apple' when their own child went around stealing and beating up neighboorhood kids including the boy. Deidara was suprised when the boy didn't grab a kitchen knife that had been an arm reach away when the man had been yelling in his face for burning a cake his flower was going to present to her social group.

Deidara was even more suprised he didn't do that when the man brought up his parents and how they died in a car crash, of course the man was very much a liar so Deidara doubted it was true. And while the same insults were spewed around at the child by the man, the fat child, and the woman Deidara realized his statue was changing. At first he had thought it was just paint peeling off but even after the child stopped handling him it still happened. Deidara had taken more of a white color than the original black besides a dot on the head of the bird. As the white had been creeping up his neck when the child picked him up he saw a strange symbol on the bottom of the bird in black. The symbol was a triangle with a circle in it that then had another triangle pointed opposite of the first one, there was then a line that went from the point of the largest triangle to its bottom line. The middle circle and triangle seemed familiar to Deidara but he couldn't remember where from. It danced on the tip of him memory but he decided it was like a seal of some sort perhaps.

If it was a seal then how did it get in the world without chakra users? How would he even be able to break it without a body? He had already mulled over the question and after numerous attemps gave up for the moment. Currently Deidara was looking out a window watching the rainning outside while the house was, for the most part, empty. There was of course, the boy still underneath the stairs in what was called his room. Inside the small space was a cott and a few shelves with one light. There were two metal boxes o the wall which had pipes that wet towards the ceiling and some wires that ran towards the floor. On the shelves were personal effects that he was allowed to keep such as brushes, a small toy bear that was old and ragged, a few figurines of men on horses, and a few bottles that he used to keep water in for those days when he wasn't allowed out. The few clothes he had were kept under the bed, neat and folded along with othr things tucked in between them such as a book about knights, a few small peices of candy, marbles, a flashlight, and Deidara.

Sometimes the child would take out the book and read it over and over. Sometimes he would look at a few marbles and roll them around on his bed, other timed he would take out a peice of candy and stare at it, almost like he was imagining what it tasted like. Sometimes he would eat one, but as Deidara saw it was hard foe him to sneak another with the two adults in the house almost constantly monitoring him when he was around food, often checking if he took any they didn't allow him. Other times he would stare at Deidara and smile in a childish manner. It was pathetic and sad to watch. The child should just explode the bat bunch and make it look like an accident! Instead he just did whatever they said and bowed his head!

Although truly the entire family was pathetic as well. Always looking towards eachother on high pedastools and others as garbage. They thought they were perfect and took pride in being able to command the 'freak' to do what they wanted. What even was his name? Could those idiots not even remember it or were they just happy to take even more humanity from the kid. Distancing him from themselves because they thought he was a leach clinging onto them. Why was the kid even there if they didn't want him tainting their 'Dudders' as they told him not to do with his 'freakish ways'? How was he diffrent anyways? The child was as normal as it got. He was just a child and for some reason they were angry at him.

Deidara felt it might not be just the boy and 'his ways', he noticed that the woman loved to bring up his parents. It seemed like she had a grudge of something at the boys parents and constantly made up stories about them using drugs, getting drunk, or being arested. The fat child was the one that repeated what his parents said and encouraged his friends to call the kid a freak as well. How he didn't trin the boy's neck when he started pushing him when he was supposed to be pruneing the bushes, Deidara didn't know either. It would have been so easy too. Had anyone poked Deidara, besides Hidan (For obvious reasons) would be dead which followed an explosion.

Of course his wondering stopped when he heard the boy hissing at a snake from where he was tucked under his shirt. As strange as it was the boy seemed fond of him and stared taking him when he went to public places where his cousin wouldn't start punching him. It was hillarious when the fat Dudly fell into the enclosure and even funnier when the snake started causing people to scream and run in panic.

It was also strange when these people in robes came and apparently erased their memories with sticks while the group of four walked sullenly out the reptile exibit. Apparently none of them noticed and simply walked out suddenly. It was strange that a moment before they were all glued to the spot with the boy laughing, the parents afraid for their child who was stuck in the enclosure, and the child flailing around. What were those people doing anyway? The sticks obviously did something unless they just used those for giggles. They dissapeared and appeared with a loud crack and left the people doing what they had been before the incident. Of course the boy was punished and locked in his room again but at least he had gotten a bit of revenge against his tormentors.

The next day another strange thing happened as Deidara watched from the roof to see an owl deliver a letter into the flap on the door. It was adressed to H. Potter. Strange enought it included "The cuboard under the stairs". So the boy's last name was Potter. When Potter went to get the mail he looked throught the three letters and noticed the letter in the pile. As he walked by his uncle who was at the table with his son he handed over the two other letters and was still holding his letter in the open. The kid should have seen whay was coming next with his cousin shouting that he had a letter and taking it from his hands to hand from his uncle.

"Give it back that's my letter!" He shouted.

"If it was, who would be writing to you?" He asked in a scornfull way. Then when the three family members inspected the back letter the faces of the parents warped into worry. Then they looked strangely at the boy eventually throwing the letter away and continuing to go about their lives exept the two elder Dursleys took moments where they glanced out the window or behind themselves. The next day two more owls carried letters that were exactly the same as the first. The uncle tore the letters into tiny bits when he found them, the boy hadn't been allowed to get the mail for this reason. There were even more worried looks.

By the third day when the uncle found three letters he nailed a wooden board over their mail flap. The birds were undetered by the board and just left the letters outside and perchen on the car, waiting like the gracefull predators they are. The reaction of the people when they saw the letters was priceless. Later that night the uncle burned the letter as the boy walked into the room. Deidara could have sworn the man was insane at that point. He was proven right when the uncle started saying he liked Sunday the best because there was no post. You think owls keep with the time of the delivery men?

Deidara wanted to laugh in his face at the storm that was coming. Not one bloody letter? There were hundreds of owls outside sitting on any perch they could find awaiting the chaos to ensue. First there was a rumbling sound and the house began shaking, the next thing the family knew letters were flying into the room from the chimney at an alarming rate. The family began to panic until Potter grabbed a letter that had been in the air and the uncle chased after him.

The uncle caught Potter before he could get into his room and, as more letters made the board on the mail flap fall off as they came in, he screamed. "That's it! Were going away! FAR FAR AWAY! WHERE THEY CAN'T FIND US!"

That's when the other two realized he might not be right in the head. The uncle rushed to the car, wadding through the letters with Potter in his arms struggling, forgetting about the letter he had grabbed followed by the other two. Once they were seated the man started the car.

"Wait Verny where will we go?" Asked the woman.

"FAR AWAY!" He shouted. The car then sped away from the house far past where Deidara could see. The small boy looking back as it sped off. By now the letters had stopped coming and there was a thin layer covering the entire down stairs. Even the stairs were covered. A few minutes after they left the birds started leaving and after half an hour they were all gone leaving Deidara by himself. The same car the people left in soon arrived at the neighbor's house who owned all the cats. Then they got out and sullenly went into the house after the woman let them in.

Deidara wondered if they would come back. They stayed in the house untill it got dark only daring to come over to grab clothes, and seemed to be sleeping over at her house for some reason. As Deidara was watching the neighbor hood cat stalk a bug he felt a hand wrap around himself. Lookoing back into the house he saw that the boy must have snuck into the house. There were candy wrapers on the bed and the flash light was on. Strange enough there was an unopened letter on the bed. Like my GOD! Why not open it after all that?! The boy then went over to the car and hid Deidara under a seat. Without a letter...

 **Wanted to get a chapter for each story I made out before I start packing.**


	5. Magic Baby-Again

Deidara hated boats. He hated riding in them, being unable to swim while on one, and the rocking of them. The old boat that took them to the small tower like house in the middle of the ocean was rusty and the captain of the boat was just filthy. The house was made of stone with an upside down V roof and few windows. All together it looked sad and depressing. All the passenger were just as sullen as they left the shore with their few belongings.

After tugging their things onto the island the small boat left the shore stranding the passengers. The inside of the house was not as bad as it could be considering it was furnished with clean furniture items. The downstairs floor was dirt and the only places to sleep were a couch and a bed. Of course the family would divide the sleeping places to themselves and leave the child sleeping on the dirt floor with only a thin blanket between himself and the ground right next to the fire place. The parents had the upstairs bed and the child had the couch.

They had started a fire to keep them warm through the storm but it had already turned into embers. The small child didn't show any signs of going to sleep and instead laid on his back checking the watch he had for some reason gotten from when Dudley threw it in the trash bin.. **I never understood some things in this movie ..** With Deidara's form next to his body on the floor.

When it was close to midnight he turned onto his stomach and started to draw a circle in the dirt. He then wrote 'Happy Birthday' inside it and drew lines from the top. "Make a wish Harry." He said as he blew on the picture he made just as his watch started to beep. The door was then assaulted and the Dudley woke up quickly with an alarmed look on his face. Deidara would not go outside to see what it was as rain passing through him was dissorienting sometimes waited as the two parents came down stairs with worried looks on their faces. They turned on the downstairs light and the man was carrying a shot gun.

"Whose there?" The large man wimpered. The door then gave up and fell off it's hinges into the house revealing the even larger figure's silouete. Evryone except Harry screamed as he started to make his way inside. They watched in fear as a man with a black beard and fluffy hair entered the room. His clothes were larger than the male parent and consisted of a brown outer coat and an inner outer brown coat with a red shirt underneath. He had large black boots and was holding an umbrela.

"Sorry about tha'." He said, then turned to pick up the door and put it back in the frame it came from.

"We demand that you leave at once sir." Vernon said as he pointed his gun at the large man's direction. "You are breaking and entering." Wow wasn't this guy astute. He should know that in remote parts of the world there usually was no law upheld.

"Dry up Dursley, you great prune." He said coldly after walking over to Vernon and grabbing his gun, bent the end upwards as Vernos shot. Then he started talking to Dudley as if he was Harry untill he was told that the skinny kid was Harry while the Dudley he was adressing was close to crapping his pants.

"Well of course you are." He said to the small boy. Had he just been pretending that Dudley was Harry so he could mess with him? He handed Harry a cake that he may or may not have sat on that was held in a white papper box with purple string to tie it together. How adorible that it read 'Happy Birthday Harry'. It was like someone was watching the kid write that in the dirt and decided to grant his wishes for some reason. It was sickinengly sweet but strange that this random giant would show up in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a storm, on a remote island! To give a kis a cake. So apparently he was eleven, like Deidara cared.

The next thing the man did was sit on the couch, take out an umbrela, and shoot fire out of it's tip.

"Excuse me, who are you?" Asked the kid finnaly.

"Rubious Hagrid. Keeper of keys and grounds of Hogwarts." Just then Deidara noticed something floating near the door. It was a tangle of glowing blue string about the size of Harry's small hand. Deidara went closer to inspect it as the large man started talking about Hogwarts and "You're a wizard Harry."

"What are you?" Deidara heard in a strangely familliar voice. It seemed something say Deidara and was able to talk to him. If this thing without a mouth could talk why couldn't Deidara? But just how was the thing even doing it? Deidara focused like he did chakra and concentrated on a voice.

"I'm the what you are talking to hn." He said. It wasn't as cool as he thought he would sound but it was an answer.

"I'd know that tick anywhere, brat." Was said in an emotionless voice.

"Sasori?! You too hn?"

"Not just me, Kakuzu and Hidan are here as well. Apparently this is a joke that Hidan's god played on us."

"WHAT?! That bastard Hidan nh! Wait... his god is actually real? I knew I saw that symbol somewhere hn!" Deidara though back to the black on his bottom.

"So what are you stuck as?" Sasori didn't really sound interested but seemed to ask anyway.

"I'm a clay bird about the size of a palm, by that blanket on the floor." He said.

"I see." He said.

"What are you?" Deidara asked.

"I'm apparently what is called a unicorn. My body is made of bone it seems and is the size of a small finger. It is in his pocket." Sasori said in a monotone voice.

"A CAR CRASH KILLED LILLY AND JAMES POTTER?" Said the large man drawing his attentoin to the group again. "It is an outreage!" He said as Dudley grabbed the cake box and went off in a corner. "It is a scandal."

"He will not be going." Said Vernon as firmly as a cowering man could.

"Then I suppose the great muggles like yourselves are gonna stop him are ya?" The giant said again.

"Muggle?" Asked the boy.

"Muggle, a non magic folk." Then he went off on a rant as the Dudley crammed cake in his face in the corner. Hagrid then noticed the boy after saying "Don't insult Bumblesnore" or something to that effect and pointed his umbrela at the kid. He then grew a tail that caused his parents to scream and Harry laugh. As the family tried to hide the man looked at a watch and proclaimed that he was off of schedule and that they best be off. Harry followed him outside to a boat that was staying aflloat in the waters without being tied down after he grabbed his clothing bag from the corner of the room, stuffing Deidara into it as he ran after the man. **It never explained how they got off the island.**

Sasori refused to speak anymore with Deidara, not even to argue about art so the trip to London from ride to ride was silent besides the random comments Hagrid had and explaining about the list of items he handed Harry. Harry was led into a pub where he was than talked to by people who welcomed him back. And then there was a weird man with a turban that stuttered when talking to the boy and also gave Deidara a weird ache in his... head? He was apparently a profesur Quirrel of defence against the dark arts. Man was Hargid large Deidara noted again. He absolutely towered over anyone next to him.

"Se Harry you're famous."

"But why am I famous? How is it all those people know who I am?"

'I'm not sure i'm exactly the right person to ell you that Harry." He said criptically. He was such a chatter box before it was strange he didn't just tell the boy. Deidara looked to Sasori who also didn't seem inclined to talk. Hagrid then poked the tip og his umbrela on random places on the brick wall in the alley they had walled out to from the pub. It began to make a passage way for them to enter and Deidara was amazied at what just happened.

"So that's magic." Deidara said. After a few hours on the trip or trying to make Sasori talk he had finnaly gotten to a point where he barely had to think about his voice.

"Welcome Harry to Diagon Alley." The boy walked forwards taking in the scenery. The strrets were packed with people walking from shop to shop, most wearing a robe of some sort. The biuldings didn't all look straight and some even curved on the side. There was an owl flying above them and a vendor they just walked past selling flowers. Even though the people would look strange in any other setting with those clothes it was the boy who didn't fit in with his normal pants and shirt.

They walked by a pet shop with owls and bats, a nubus 2000 in a store window, and into a bank where Harry would get the money to pay for his school suplies. Gringots as it was called, was a clean place with expensive looking decor. There were tiny, wrinkly people at desks that looked too tall for them, each desk had a round light above them and the desks made them taller than they were on the ground as shown by the ones walking here and there. They all wore black suits with buckled shoes.

"Clever as they come, goblins, but not the friendliest of beasts." He said as they walked on.

"Mister Harry Potter wishes to make a withdraw." Hagrid said to a goblin at the end of the row. He seemed to sneer as he put his quill down and look over the desk to frighten the boy with his large teeth.

"And dose mister Harry Potter have his key?" He asked.

"Wait a minute, got it here somewhere." Hagrid then rooted through his pockedts and Deidara saw Sasori move slighly, suddenly at one point. Hagrid then took out a small key and the goblin sat back in his seat.

"Theres something else as well." Hagrid said as he took out a note. "Profesuer Dumblepore gave me this." He said. The goblin took the paper labled top secret with intrest. "He siad you know what involved you know whitch." He spared a glance at Harry keeping his voice low.

"Very well." Said the goblin who climbed off of his desk. "Follow me."


	6. Hidan you are ridiculous again

**Hidan... I welcome you back to my realm.**

"Lord Jashin! I'm so sorry for leaving my eternity of torture! I was brought back by the snake bastard along with some other idiots." Said Hidan to the endless grey sky. He was standing on what substituted as a floor in the realm of crossing. The floor Hidan was on was at the point where the white life touches the black death. He was in the grey in-between. When he looked around he saw more souls in the area than he excpected there to be.

 **Hidan I can't take you back.** Said the voice sadly.

"Why the f*ck not!" Shouted Hidan.

 **Mortals have been messing with my realm. The people who brought you back crossed the line and now prevent me from fully taking you with me. This includes the others who were brought back. Make no mistake that their time will come to pay the price for messing with death.** The voice that had been cold and empty now had more of a primal sound to their voice.

"So what the f*ck do I do now? Just stand here forever?"

 **Hidan I have a mission for you. I need you to find the Hallows. They have the power to allow me to sever your ties with life. As my faithfull follower I have no fear whether this task will be complete, though it will likley not be for some time. I will need to tie you to an object in the realm of the living in order for you to be able to cross over. As nothing in death is tangible there is no way to force your crossing to this side, but after spending enough time in the realm of the living you will be able to force your way to that side. Hidan, you will spend years unable to do anyhing, unable to speak to the living. Anything you will feel while you are getting used to life again will be stronger than you will be used to. Any pain will be given greatly. Will you accept this torture to help me, my faithfull follower?**

"Ahhh Jashin I looooooove when you talk dirty to me." Said Hidan with a smirk. "What about the rest of the Akatsuki?" He asked.

 **I can send them along the same way if you wish for help.**

"They'll f*cking love me for this!" Said Hidan with a laugh.

- _How well did they take it?_

"So you let your god bring us from half life to help you find these deadly hallows? Do you even know what they are or what they look like?" Asked Sasori.

"F*ck if I know!" Said Hidan.

"You are an idiot." Said Kakuzu.

"Shut up you heathen! You're just pissy because my god is real!"

"Also because I can't sow your mouth shut. And I don't have any money." Said Kakuzu sadly.

They were all sitting in a large office on a shelf next to a clock that constantly let out a ticking noise. Hidan's voice wasn't helping much either. There was a bird stand next to a wooden deask and various objects lined the walls. Just as they finished talking a man with a long white beard and a blue robe with silver stars sown into it walked into the room and took a round object from a glass bowl on the desk. He then popped the yellow thing into his mouth. Sasori was a black colored unicorn that layed down with it's legs folded under itself. Kakuzu was a large black toad with bumpy skin and was sitting on a lilypad ready to jump. Hidan was a cat with its back arched and teeth bared. It was larger than the other two and was used to keep a few books upright being on the opposite side of the clock with the toad in the middle.

"Hidan did Jashin tell you where he would put us?" Asked Sasori.

"Nope!" Said Hidan.

"Did you even ask?" Asked Kakuzu quickly.

"Lord Jashin-sama knows whats best! If he f*cking didn't tell me then it isn't important! Have some faith in the greatest god you heathen!" He yelled.

- _What's up with Death?_

 **I probably should have told him where to start looking. Oh well, he'll figure it out eventually.**

 _ **Death are you messing around with my realm?**_

 **Do you want a bunch of souls stuck in the middle?**

 ** _While I love that you are cleaning up two messes at once, it has come to my attention that you have outlier motives..._**

 ** _Why are you telling them that you are Jashin?_**

 **Fine then. I'll leave the group up to you to deal with.**

 _ **THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!**_ Death had already left the midlle ground to return to his territory leaving a confused Life wondering what kind of people he decided to bring into her hands and what kind of chaos they would bring. Danm that Death meddling with soul magic again.

- _Back to the present in the next chapter._

 **Movers are coming tomorrow so I need to dissmantle my computer now.. ;-;**


	7. The Heck You Say?

"What the fuck did you just say you old fart!"

"You need to calm down." Said an exasperated voice.

"I'm not listening to what you have to say you fucker!"

"Professor McGonagall this behavior just isn't to be tolerated in a school setting. Think of the children." Said Dumbledore who was sitting at his desk trying to push down the impulse to put his head in his hands. He deeply regretted giving the statue to her. To think it was his fault that a teacher started acting so brashly to even him when before she used to obey every order. He should have thought it strange that an impulse to suddenly give it to her would strike like it did for no reason. Before he gave anyone anything he always thought twice about their reactions. At first he wrote it off as him knowing that the woman was fond of cats though he later realized there was a strange and powerful compulsion on the object. Even after he dispelled all the enchantments it seemed to only take a stronger hold on the woman. What's worse was that one of the statues went missing and that he had given Neville, the poor boy, the other. He had yet to hear anything wrong and hoped to asses the situation during the school year. Speaking of.

"FUCK THE KIDS!"

"You can't behave this way, not in my school."

"Your school is a pile of shit bricks on a shit hill! That makes you the shit school headmaster."

"Then that makes you a shit teacher." The gleam in McGonagall's eyes made him wish he hadn't made the remark. He had hoped that regressing his language would help her understand but it wasn't working. He hat to try a different tactic before she went for her wand. "I will admit you to teach the students but there must be an enchantment that changes your language so it's clean. At least for the classes and around students. If I hear you've talked like that around the students you WILL be terminated." He knew he wouldn't actually do that. If he could reverse what had been done some way he would gain one of his most trusted followers back. Even though her attitude had gone off the rails she still had a desire to teach at the school. He just hoped it was her usual curriculum.

She seemed to think about his offer for a second and then spoke. "I want a scythe. Then I'll agree."

"What for?" Asked the headmaster with genuine dread and curiosity.

"Because I fucking want one!" She said as she crossed her arms. Dumbledore couldn't believe he was seeing a hooligan like McGonagall spouting curse words when before she had only spoken with the highest vocabulary.

"I'll see what I can do." Said Dumbledore in resignation. As long as it didn't cause any trouble he'd have to give into the dangerous creatures demands. Truly she did look like some feral thing when he had talked back to her, and he wasn't imagining it. At least she doesn't have it out specifically for anyone yet and had not actually attacked Snape even though she shouted enough obscenities to make him blush. (Not attacked aside from verbaly/mentaly. The scars would likely never heal in him or the others present.) Madam Pomfry had cleaned her mouth out with a soap spell when she walked in and also wasn't attacked except verbally. The incident will always be labeled Snape's weirdest nightmare.

While he was musing about the terrifying tale McGonagall took the time to slip away, an eerie smile on her face. When he realized she left he finally let his hand reach for his candy. He'd need a lot to lift his spirits.

 **Sorry I've had a writers block for a long time and other stuffs happened. I've deleted my other storied i didn't think i could continue so i didn't feel overwhelmed. (I'm pretty sure Dumbledore spikes his candy.)**


	8. Chapter 8

Any parings that should show up? I'm not doing anything with a large age gap or forced relationships.

 **P.S. Sorry for the long update period.**

Draco had woken up in the morning, order one of the house elves to get his breakfast ready, and got into his more impressive casual wear. After all he would have gone in his most expensive but formal wear but his father would have reminded him that formal wear was not acceptable unless at a social gathering between equals. There was clearly no need to dress up when walking around the common folk. As he smoothed out his robes he looked into his mirror and began combing his hair back to it's usual look. He examined himself thoroughly and made sure there were no wrinkles. His dragon necklace was tucked under the robes to where he could feel the cold metal on his chest. It was always a comfort. With evrything in place Draco made his way to the dining room passing through the halls of his home. After arriving he sat at his usual spot and soon a meal appeared in front of him. His silverware clinked against the plate making him more aware of how quiet it was. He almost felt as if more noise should be in his own home. He was getting his first wand after all. His school robes as well that would certainly be decorated with the slythern house crest. There would be time later though, when his friends came over to talk about the school year.

After his meal was finished he decided to wait in the reception area for when his father returned by the floo. Today was going to be a great day.


	9. Chapter 9

I've started moving my stories over to Archive Of Our Own. The rest of the story (if it get's posted) will be there.


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